


I Hate You, I Love You

by phoenixjustice



Category: Heroes - Fandom
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-03
Updated: 2013-02-03
Packaged: 2017-11-28 02:34:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 684
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/669253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phoenixjustice/pseuds/phoenixjustice
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Post-S2</p><p>How many times must I suffer for you, carp?</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Hate You, I Love You

First you show me that I can be harmed by no weapon and then you cut me deeper than any blade possibly could, so I'll walk the plank and I'll jump with a smile. If I'm gonna go down then I'm going to do it with style and you won't see me surrender. You won't hear me confess, cause you left me with nothing, but I've worked with less. And suddenly I become apart of your past; I'm becoming the part that don't last; I'm losing you and its effortless.

I gave everything I had to you and it still wasn't enough for you.

You ripped my heart out, stealing the name of Kensei and making me into the Adam Monroe which you laid beneath the ground.

How many times must I suffer for you, carp?

I have lived over a thousand lives and deaths in this coffin and I continue to do so over and over again.

The aliases over the years were empty, as empty as my many marriages were. I am the empty one.

I suppose you must wonder about Yaeko sometimes, what had happened to her.

I didn't kill her, if you sometimes wonder that. But I wanted to. How I LONGED to. My so-called 'princess', the ruin of it all. It'd have been better if she had been dead before you even showed up; maybe then things wouldn't have gone so wrong.

I loved you. I don't think you knew that, even if the betrayal was a sharp a sword as if it had cleaved me in two.

I love you. I don't think you know that, even if I verily poured my heart out to you before you teleported us away and locked me inside a coffin to lie here, but not rot.

'You were more than a friend to me.'

A truer statement there never was.

And you gave me hope, damn you.

Your shy glances and blushes. Those little smiles or the big ones that lit up your face and my heart.

You made me a hero and then you took it all away.

I should hate you.

I TRIED to hate you.

The anger had been simmering for ages after you left, until it finally bubbled over and I got the idea in my head to release the Virus and change the world. But hate you?

I never hated you.

Damn you.

My carp, my koi.

Even now whenever I think of you, hope tentatively springs up and I ache to see you again.

I want to hold you and kiss you. I want to tell you that I'm sorry. I want to tell you that you're wrong. I want to make everything right again. I want to destroy everything. Most of all; I want you. My carp, my koi. I have had lengthy conversations in my head about you until I can't keep my eyes open anymore and want to sleep.

Sometimes things just pop up out of the blue, stray thoughts.

Like; 'It's a hell of a lot easier to be gay in this century isn't it?' Not like that helps me any at the moment, but all the same...When and if I ever get out of this thing, then you and I are going to have some words.

That or I'll punch you. Or perhaps snog you. I'm not sure which.

...sigh. Maybe if I had told Yaeko 'I didn't really love you, but I'm pretty when I lie.' Maybe that would help, or it would if I told you; 'She wasn't my princess, you were my prince.'

Everything I ever did for you, everything I have said and done have been done for and because of you.

My carp, my koi.

I hate you and I love you.

But you will always be mine and no one elses.

I plan to keep you by my side always.

And that, because of my ability, is entirely possible.

Don't worry though, carp. I promise to make it pleasurable for us both.

Though I might have to do something about your precious 'Ando-kun'...

\------------------

 


End file.
